


I'm not helpless (or am I?)

by cactiist



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Ned Vizinni
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Burns, Crying, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Rape/Non-con, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Stuttering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2019-10-22 10:20:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17660840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cactiist/pseuds/cactiist
Summary: If they were talking together, face to face, Michael would've seen the look in Jeremy's eyes as he nodded. But they weren't. They were talking on the phone. That was different.





	I'm not helpless (or am I?)

Michael wasn't helpless. At least, he was sure he wasn't anyways. Because last time he checked, laying on his bed, half-asleep and listening to a playlist that was titled 'love songs for when you have a crush'... didn’t mean he was helpless. He squinted at the screen, his phone right in front of his face as he tried to make sense of some of the photos he was looking at. The only reason why he was squinting was because his glasses were on the nightstand beside his bed and he was pretty much too lazy to even go and get them. Figures.

 

Some of the photos were a bit.. weird, to be honest. Some of them were landscape photos, because why not? Taking photos of the landscape around him was pretty fun, especially considering the fact that he got to see all the different changes from one photo to another, the different environments and even the different angles and ways he took his pictures. Other photos were selfies, some featuring himself, some of him and Jeremy or him and his sisters or mothers, some of him and a few friends, etc. But the more he looked at the photos of him and Jeremy, or even Jeremy himself, the more that Michael realized that yeah, actually, he might be helpless. Helplessly in love.

 

But there were certain factors to this. Well, Michael wasn't even sure if factors was even the correct word, but anyways. He had a slight problem. That problem was that even though he was in love, or had a crush on anyways, on his best friend, Jeremy Heere, Michael wasn’t even sure if he wanted that. Because Jeremy was the one that Michael had friends with for at least 12 years (almost 13) now. And… Michael didn’t really want to ruin a 12 year friendship. Even though it was pretty much ruined now, what with the events that happened the past few months.

 

So what if Jeremy decided that getting a Squip was totally a good idea? Michael wasn’t one to judge; he just couldn’t see why he needed that.. that /thing/ to woo his own crush on a theatre student. Because in Michael’s eyes, Jeremy could’ve just ask her out on a date. Which, would probably be a bit nerve-wracking on Jeremy, but it would’ve been a better option than voreing a supercomputer pill, accidentally setting off an apocalypse and oh! Also calling Michael a loser in a bathroom that looked like it belonged in a spa of all places and just leaving him there, probably not even aware that yeah, Michael did actually get hurt in because of the stupid fire that Richard Goranski had decided to set off. Because of the exact same supercomputer.

 

Which, Michael still didn't know /what/ to think about that. He still was upset about the entire thing, but. He wasn’t sure what he should feel like. Upset? Yeah, but that blew over pretty quickly. Angry? Not necessarily. Sad? Well, not really; he was a bit sad that Jeremy decided that looking to a supercomputer instead of his best friend was a good idea, but whatever. Depressed? No.

 

The entire weekend for Michael was spent just thinking about, well, everything. Thinking about when they played video games in Michael’s basement the day before they went to the mall, the entire day at the mall wasted, Jeremy ignoring him, Michael finding out that The Squip was indeed working, the Halloween party at Jake Dillinger’s house, all that time spent at the hospital with the burns that he got, telling Dustin Kropp about what happened and for him to go to the play and give Jeremy the bottle of Mountain Dew, only for Michael to get discharged earlier, Jeremy’s dad walking up to him on his porch burning some of him and Jeremy’s “memories” and managing to convince him through his high from the weed he was smoking to go and help Jeremy, actually going to the Play and watching Jeremy kiss Christine and hearing everyone scream. The screaming was probably the most terrifying part of that experience. And watching over Jeremy while at the hospital came to a close second.

 

Thinking.. Was mostly healing, right? And accepting what had happened as well. Which Michael was still trying to do. It was hard though.

 

He shifted a little in his bed, sighing as he felt the scars from the fire on his right shoulder blade rub against the shirt he was currently wearing. The Halloween party was only a month and a half ago and his shoulder, back, and left leg were still giving him reminders. Maybe this was what he got in return from not being there for Jeremy or whatever. Which made no sense. Or it could’ve been what he got in return from having a panic attack at the Halloween party and not being able to snap out of it in time - only snapping out of it once he had splashed water in his face and the fact that the flames started up and the screams from downstairs could be heard from where he was. That sucked. Big time.

 

His phone suddenly rang, snapping him out of his thoughts by the theme from Steven Universe - yes, he still loved that show to bits - filling the empty room. The stairs creaked noisily as Pixel, Michael's shiba inu, came bounding down, barking a couple times.

 

"Pixel, /enough/,  _ mahal _ .", Michael sighed, reaching up to his nightstand and flicking on the lamp that was there, the light creating a sort of ambient-like light in the room. He lazily put his glasses on, having to push them a bit farther up the bridge of his nose. Pixel just gave him a toothy smile, which disappeared as she shifted a bit and jumped up onto Michael's bed, sniffing the covers a bit before curling up beside him. Michael didn't even bother looking at the caller ID as he tapped the ‘answer call’ button on his phone. "Y'ello."

 

"Dude! O-Oh my god am I so happy to hear your voice!", an excited voice chirped, making Michael flinch and exhale slowly. It was Jeremy. Pixel pawed at Michael's right leg a little, her tongue lolling out of her mouth as she looked up at him and Michael gently patted Pixel's head with his right hand awkwardly, giving her a small smile.

 

"Hey man... haven't heard from you in a bit...", Michael spoke, a slight annoyed undertone in his voice. Which, was true. Even though Michael did help save the entire school almost two weeks ago, Michael heard nothing from Jeremy. No calls, no texts, no posts on social media, nothing.

 

Jeremy’s chipper voice on the other line slightly deflated as he responded, probably from the tone of voice that Michael had used. "Yeah... I'm sorry about that... do you maybe want to talk about it...?"

 

Michael almost rolled his eyes, managing to restrain himself from scoffing at Jeremy's apology. "Seriously?"

 

"I- yeah-" Jeremy sounded uncertain now, starting to talk but then quickly fell silent when Michael interrupted him.

 

"Even though you've ignored all my calls, all my texts... and you want to talk about it?"

 

Only the sound of Pixel panting happily broke the silence as Michael waited for a response. Thank god for her. Pixel laying beside him actually helped a little with the frustration that Michael felt towards Jeremy.

 

Then Jeremy spoke. "Christine broke up with me."

 

Oh. Wait, what? "After a week?"

 

"I- y-yeah..", Jeremy stuttered, a few sniffles coming from him. Michael guessed that he was probably crying, but then again, Jeremy could be faking it.

 

Michael stayed quiet, thinking for a few minutes. 

 

"How are you feeling about it?", he finally asked, still uncertain about the current situation at hand. Mostly because Jeremy had just stated that out of the blue, as if it was something normal. Which it wasn't. At least, Michael didn't think so anyways.

 

There was quiet on Jeremy's end of the line, and for a moment Michael got a mix of fear and frustration, mostly because Jeremy wasn't even responding. Which made zero sense.

 

"I-I don't know..?", Jeremy's voice sounded uncertain once again, a slight upset undertone to his voice. "L-like I g-guh-guess um, up-upset? Jesus, man, I-I d-d-don't know."

 

Well that helped plenty. Michael took a deep breath and cleared his thoughts. Pixel nudged his leg again.

 

"Why..", Michael started, then cleared his throat so he could speak properly. "Why did she break up with you? Did she even give a reason?"

 

A few possibilities swam around Michael's head about why Christine would break up with Jeremy. One possibility could be that Christine thought about it and then decided that she didn't actually like Jeremy and that her "feelings" were actually from her Squip fucking around with her. Which, being honest, was a totally acceptable reason. The Squip had messed around with a lot of people's heads. Another possibility was that both Jeremy and Christine just acted like friends and that their relationship was better off as a friendship instead. But that wouldn't explain why Jeremy sounded so upset.

 

"She said that she wanted to, u-u-uhm, uh, god w-what was it.. l-look into her, uhm, sexual-lih-lity? She said that uhm she t-thought o-or was p-pretty s-sure she was a-a-asexual. And a-aromantic."

 

"Jer. Buddy. You know what those terms mean, right?"

 

Jeremy stayed quiet on the other line.

 

Michael sighed and rolled onto his back, watching from the corner of his eye as Pixel moved a bit. "Jer, ace means that she isn't interested, or at least is repulsed by the idea of having sex. Aro means that she isn't interested in a relationship, and that she prefers a friendship instead." Michael paused, taking the time to gently pat Pixel's head again as he thought for a moment. "At least, I'm pretty sure. Maybe ask Christine about the Aro part."

 

The line was quiet for a few minutes, then a small “Oh.” came from Jeremy. Then then line fell silent once again.

 

Michael took a deep breath, unsure of what to say now. His thoughts started up again, and he found himself lost in them as he thought about if it was really worth it to continue to be mad at Jeremy. Michael absentmindedly pet Pixel as she slept soundly, continuing to mull over the situation.

 

"H-hey.. dude? C-can I, uhm, co-come over..?", Jeremy asked, snapping Michael out of his thoughts. Which sent him towards another line of thought regarding the subject. Then realization hit him that the last time they hung out in Michael's basement, together, as friends, /was before the incident roughly four months ago for fuck's sake./

 

"Yeah, of course dude..," Michael responded after a moment. "Like right now?"

 

If they were talking together, face to face, Michael would've seen the look in Jeremy's eyes as he nodded. But they weren't. They were talking on the phone. That was different.

 

Jeremy spoke, sounding slightly nervous. "I-I.. yeah. If that's alright."

 

"Yeah. That's cool. See you in a bit then?"

 

"Uhm... yeah. In a bit. B-buh-bye." Then Jeremy hung up, leaving Michael alone to his own thoughts.

 

Fuck. Jeremy coming over would mean that Jeremy would have to know about what actually happened at the Halloween party. Especially with the fire…

 

God, Michael was so not ready for Jeremy to come over. He let out a loud sigh, his left arm resting on his stomach, and his phone dropping from his left hand onto the bed directly in front of Pixel, who glanced up at Michael without a sound and tilted her head.

 

Michael only shook his head and worried his lip in thought for a few moments. Thinking about what might happen if Jeremy /did/ come over. What wouldn't happen.

 

He tried not to dwell on it too much. Being honest, maybe Jeremy coming over was going to be a good thing. Or... maybe not.

 

Michael just had to wait and see.


End file.
